


shinji's order story

by shinjiikari0



Series: shinji's stories [2]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Crack, M/M, OOC, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-04-09 19:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4361432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinjiikari0/pseuds/shinjiikari0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shinji shares the story of the first and last time he ordered delivery from a new restaurant in town.</p><p>(contains: intentional ooc, mildly suggestive content, swearing)</p>
            </blockquote>





	shinji's order story

**Author's Note:**

> this one's longer than the last one which means it's more ridiculous.

　　I heard about a new restaurant in town that hasn't been destroyed yet. It was called "Harold's Hidden Hell House", or Harold's House for short, I guess. It's a creative name. I quite like the alliteration.

**doesn't "hell house" seem a bit suspicious?**

　　Thanks, but I'm pretty sure I'll be alright. Anyway, the number on the pamphlet said 911 but I'm pretty sure the number changed to 0118 999 881 999 119 725 recently.

**actually, the number is 0118 999 881 999 119 7253, shinji.**

　　Oh, thanks again. Back to the matter at hand; I called the number for delivery to try out some of this new place's food because basically all of the other restaurants in the city have been destroyed. It rang a few times before someone picked up. Someone with a, uh... very familiar voice.  
　　"Hello! This is Harold's House. How may I help you?" His voice was enthusiastic and sultry. Just from hearing his voice I wanted to eat his face. I mean what.

**anyway.**

　　At that point, despite my uneasiness, I continued the chat in order to place my order.  
　　"Um," I said shakily. "Can I get the, uh, Creamy Chocolate special? I hear that's only available on Wednesdays."  
　　"Ooh! Excellent choice, dear customer," he answered happily. "Will that be all for today? Take out or delivery?"  
　　"Uh... Delivery, please."  
　　"Wonderful! Oh, and just so you know..."  
　　His voice suddenly dropped to a seductive-sounding whisper. I didn't even know who he was HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW I WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM? AT THIS POINT I ONLY KNEW WHAT HE SOUNDED LIKE AND I'D PROBABLY LET HIM DO ME ANYWHERE JUST FROM THE SOUND OF HIS EERILY FAMILIAR VOICE. I MEAN WHAT.

**what did he say, shinji?**

　　Oh. Right.  
　　"Just so you know... I shall be personally delivering your order to you today, dear customer."  
　　Wow. It suddenly got really hot in the room. Haha. Wowie—

**what the fuck, shinji.**

　　Anyway, even after I had thanked him and hung up, I had no idea what he meant. Was he the only one working at the restaurant today, or something? Ah, whatever. As long as I got some of that chocolate stuff, I would've be fine with anything.

**are you sure you didn't just want to bang him?**

　　HAHA ANYWAY. The order didn't take all that long to arrive. I was getting pretty hungry, though, so I dashed over to the door once the doorbell rang and threw it open. Standing in front of me was—  
　　"Kaworu? What are you doing here?!"

**well, this is a bit odd, isn't it?**

　　"Oh, Shinji!" he said with a smile on his face.  
　　Shortly after he greeted me, his smile turned into a look of confusion.  
　　"Hm. This is strange. I must have gotten the wrong address."  
　　"Wrong address for what?" I asked.  
　　"Haha. Well, I recently acquired a new job at a local restaurant."  
　　"Oh, that's nice."  
　　"Ah, yes. It is most certainly an interesting little place." Kaworu's confusion seemed to subside momentarily. "Anyway, Shinji, I figured I got the wrong address because you, um... do not particularly come off as the type of person who'd order from this place."  
　　Huh? What's that supposed to mean?

**wow this is weird.**

　　"Um, Kaworu," I sounded really nervous haha whoops, "what new restaurant do you work at, if you don't mind my asking?"  
　　"Oh, not at all," he said happily. "It is a small, locally-owned joint called Harold's House. It is quite a nice place actually."  
　　What the fuck.  
　　"Um... What did this customer order today?"  
　　"Hm? Oh, it was a Creamy Chocolate special. I always personally deliver these specials."  
　　WHAT THE FUCK.

**try to calm down, shinji.**

　　"Um... Ahahaha." My shaky laughter seemed louder than ever. "What if I told you that I actually ordered from Harold's House on purpose and that's my order that you're holding?"

**smooth.**

　　Kaworu blinked. He looked down at my order, then he looked up at me. His bedroom eyes were going strong right now. I mean what.  
　　"Well, I may be able to give you a discount for this. As long as I can give you what it is worth."  
　　WHAT. THE. FUCK.

**this is getting out of hand.**

　　It turns out, Harold's House isn't really a restaurant, but I got a great meal from Kaworu today.

**shinji, what the actual fuck.**

**Author's Note:**

> whoops my hand slipped at the end there (cough) i swear my humour and stories aren't normally this crude. also, i once again tried to describe kaworu in the most overly-descriptive way possible. oh and please don't try calling the number for harold's house because it's just a silly reference to something haha. if you'd like to know what the reference is, here's the youtube link for it: http://youtu.be/ab8GtuPdrUQ
> 
> thanks for reading!


End file.
